Listen, Learn, Raise Awearness and Speak Out!
Domestic violence is about power and control. 'A pattern of assaultive and/or coercive behaviors, including physical, sexual, and psychological attacks, as well as economic coercion, that adults or adolescents use against their intimate partners.'
- The Clinical andbehavioral definition of Domestic Violence.
Educate Yourself....Domestic Violence is "The Silent Killer"
Know the Signs
General Characteristics of an abusive relationship:
- Your partner prevents you from spending time with others. Isolates you from friends and family.
- Your partner has a history of drug or alcohol abuse.
- Your partner has a history of violence.
- Your partner blames you and your perceived "shortcomings" for their inability to control their emotions and actions.
- Your partner puts themselves and their feelings first without regard for yours.
- Your partner damages your personal property.
- Your friends and family express concern about your personal safety and your relationship with your partner.
- Your partner excessively criticizes you, calls you names, insults your physical apperance, race, heritage, or religion.
- Your partner intentionally humiliates you.
- You have a constant feeling of "Walking on Eggshells" or apprehnsion around your partner.
- You minimize your experience, abuse or injuries.
- You feel reliant on your partner as your main source of comfort and support.
- You focus on your partner's needs before your own.
- You think or act to protect or justify your partner and their actions.
SIGNS THAT YOUR ABUSER IS NOT CHANGING : WRC, OCEANSIDE, CA
- He/she minimizes the abuse or denies how serious it really was.
- He/she continues to blame others for his/her behavior.
- He/she claims that you're the one who is abusive.
- He/she pressures you to go to couple's counseling.
- He/she tells you that you owe him another chance.
- You have to push him/her to stay in treatment.
- He/she says the he/she can't change unless you stay with him/her and support him/her.
- He/she tries to get sympathy from you, you children, or yur family and friends.
- He/she expects something from you in exchange for getting help.
- He/she pressures you to make decisions about the relationship.
The list below can't guarantee your safety, but could help make you safer and have more control. by Claudia Sinkule
1.Quit Lying to Yourself- Admit it to yourself and someone you trust. It is what it is and it is abusive and you know it.
2.Educate Yourself- Get the facts, know the Signs.
3.Watch for Red Flags- That bad behavior that is about to erupt.
4.Get Back Control- Make little but good choices and the right choices.
5.Make a safety Exit Plan- for yourself and children.
6.Make Copies of Important Papers- keep them with you.
7.Know Where Your Phone Is- This could be your lifeline.
8.Have an extra set of keys- car keys and houses keys – hidden or with a trusted friend.
9. Be Careful when using the internet... you can be traced that way.
10.Seek Help- call 911 in an emergency.
11.Go to a Safe Place- Do Not Be Alone
Once you have escaped an abusive relationship, you must stay diligent to protect yourself
70% of Domestic Violence murders occur after the victim has left the relationship.
HOW TO PREVENT AN ABUSER FROM STALKING YOU
How to keep yourself safe online:
1. Clear out your Cache and browser data frequently.
2. People can search your username, email address and phone number to find your other accounts on different websites. From this they can piece together your information.. One site may have your place of employment listed, another may have your email address, another may have a group you're a part of with the location listed, events you have or will attend etc..
3. People can use Reverse Image Search Engines to look up ANY pictures you have posted - including any pictures of drawings, photographs etc..
4. Change your passwords often and use a combination of letters, cap locks and numbers to keep them complex and harder to guess. Know that your general location can be traced through your IP address.
5. Just because you might have a high privacy setting, your friends may not. If your stalker knows your friends, they may be able to track you down through your friend's contact list and photos.
How to keep yourself safe in real life:
1. Change your phone number and keep it private/unlisted. You can also use a Google Voice Number as your primary phone number. Don't accept personal phone calls at work.
2. Get a P.O. Box - Have ALL your mail sent here, including your utilty bills.
3. Disable the GPS settings on your smart phone. Most picture uploads and posts you make from your smart phone contains GPS data that can be retrieved unless you have disabled this feature.
4. Change your routines - take different routes to work, change times you wake up, work out, leave your home. Don't frequent the same public place on a regular basis, change restaurants, coffee shops and other places of business often.
5. Keep records of any phone calls, text message or emails.
6. Tell people you can trust what is going on. Advise your neighbors what is going on and ask that if they ever hear anyting unusual or sounds of distress coming from your home to call the police.
The Nicole Sinkule Foundation is a non-profit organization promoting the awareness of Domestic Violence. all rights reserved, "The Nicole Sinkule Foundation" 2005